First Contract 

First Contract Signed

A finally signed the contract! (Don’t ask why X is still the one writing this — apparently J and X are the only people who actually do anything here.) 

So yes, the contract is officially agreed: A must write one article every two weeks. Simple, right? You’d think so...

We even made the payment system fair — we pay him based on how much he writes. Roughly a pound for 15,000 letters. Not bad, considering the only real requirement is “sit down and type.”

But here’s where things get… interesting.

Even after signing, A seems to have mastered the ancient art of doing absolutely nothing. It’s almost inspirational how skilled he is at avoiding work. 

Give him a whole day and he’ll somehow spend all of it doing anything except writing. And when he finally decides he’s “ready,” what does he do? 

Opens an AI, types in a prompt, and acts like he’s just written a Shakespeare tragedy.

You know what the funniest part is? Every time we ask A if he’s actually written anything, he just says “cap” or “no” like it’s his entire vocabulary — even though we literally declared him the Article Writer. 

Half the time, the only thing he produces is a message saying “AI-generated,” which is ironic because he didn’t generate anything. Instead of doing the work first, he somehow ends up doing everything except the thing he’s supposed to do —what if we had a very important test tomorrow? 

Dump it out. Homework due? 

Dump it out. Touch some grass? 

Dump it out. He even finishes tasks he swore he would “do later,” as long as it means avoiding the actual article. He’ll do everything after the work… just without doing the work. It’s almost impressive in a tragic, documentary-worthy way.

We didn’t ask A to become the CEO of Laziness Management. We asked him to write. 

But every time we check in, he’s either “thinking about it,” “planning it,” or “letting his AI warm up.” 

Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here, wondering how someone can put in so little effort that even the AI feels overworked.

Honestly, at this point, watching A “work” is like watching someone try to cook instant noodles with only MSG and somehow managing to burn the water into ice.

But it's okay — the contract is signed. The rules are clear. And if A decides to sell his entire personality to AI, that’s on him. 

As long as he actually turns something in every two weeks, we’ll count it as progress.

(Still keeping an eye on him, though. Very closely.)

Because honestly, at the rate A is going, the AI is doing more work than he is.

Written by X

Reviewed by J

02/12/2025